Fortune Cookie Follies

As if fortune cookies weren't ridiculous enough, I have managed to get some that just make you go "HUH?"

I have had friends tell me about getting blank fortunes and I think we all have gotten the vague and ambiguous fortunes but some are just not right. I had thought about posting this yesterday but couldn't remember the particular "fortune" word-for-word, so I waited. I waited because, even though they are... well, stupid... I collect them, so I knew I had the one I wanted to quote at home.

I searched through the stack at home and stuffed the little paper maxim in my wallet to write about today. I got to work and promptly forgot about the post. That is until lunch when my fortune cookie produced the same fortune I had searched for and stored in my wallet. So now I have it in stereo. So without further ado, here is my first installment of FORTUNE COOKIE FOLLIES:

Behind an able man, there are always.

That has been my fortune at least three times now.

Some quickly written attemtps at poetry

I used to be good at this....

1st

Love is an Ideal...
To reason Love out is impossible...
To define Love is to limit Love...
To quote about Love can be heresy...
To live for Love is to invite pain - and joy...
To seek Love is Quixotic...
To run from Love is tragedy...
To laugh at Love is comedy...
To play with Love is cruelty...
To part with Love is to part with hope...
But...
To strive for Love is divine...
And...
To fall for Love is faith.

2nd

Decades could come an go,
Oceans, even worlds, could separate us.
Nothing would make me stop loving you!
No! You have captured my heart,
And made me your prisoner.
But when you are gone I am lost, listless and
Everything losses it's taste and texture.
So, please don't be upset when I try to
Tell you, as often as I can, I LOVE YOU!

3rd

Your Eyes
Eyes of brightest blue called
Me into your waiting arms.
Eyes so warm, I watched as we
Kissed, gazing, locked in bliss.

4th

Love hates me, though I know not why.
I have been willing to heed its' commands,
Fall under its' spell and trust in it,
And yet it delights in cutting me down.

Love hates me, though I believe in it.
I do not doubt that true love exists,
I do not doubt that true love can
Find someone and bless their life.
I do doubt that it has plans for me.

Love hates me, so why do I try?
I try because I believe in love.
I try because I see it all around
Me, making lonely singles happy couples.
I try because I love!

5th

There is no empty room in my heart
For me to go to and be alone.
You have occupied every space and part.
I just wish you would call it home.

6th

I wish that I could find the words
To say what is on my heart without
My mind getting in the way.
I would tell you of my love and
My need to be with you. I would
Tell you of the loss I feel whenever
You're not near. I find it hard
To breath and eat whenever you
Are gone.
And yet my mind stops me for fear
Of scaring you too much. I pray I
Will not be the cause
Of any confusion in your life.

...Maybe not so good anymore

Fariy Tale - With Ending

I asked your opinion for an ending type (Happy or realistic) and so I will complete the tale...

Once upon a time (you know all fairy tales happened once upon a time - no specific time though), in a land far, far away (again they never seem to be local) there lived an ordinary average guy (don't worry there will be a princess and a prince charming or two). Now this ordinary average guy worked hard, paid his bills and obeyed the laws like so many other ordinary average guys in the land but things never seemed to work out for him. You see Karma seemed to get things backwards for him. When he did something good Karma punished him, if he did something bad, well Karma punished him for that too. I guess Karma wasn't getting things backwards. Karma just didn't like him.

One day, after our ordinary average guy helped an old lady up from a fall, Karma decided it was time to cut through all the red tape and turned him into a frog. The only thing our ordinary average guy could say about it all was that he was no longer an ordinary average guy; he was an unusual talking frog. But now he couldn't work or pay his bills. Thank goodness the sheriff didn't feel like arresting a frog.

One fine day, a beautiful princess wandered by and saw the frog sitting at the edge of the pond and asked him, "Are you a prince, turned into a frog by a wicked witch?" Apparently this was a common practice a long time ago, in a land far far away.

He replied, "No, your Highness. I am just an ordinary average guy turned into an unusual talking frog."

"To bad." She said. "I would have kissed you and changed you back and we could live happily ever after."

"Oh, please!" The Frog cried. "If you kiss me and change me back I will serve you forever and do anything you ask."

She shook her head and said, "No, I am looking for a prince." And with that she walked to the other end of the pond where a real prince turned frog lived. She kissed him and went off to live happily ever after.

Now our poor, ordinary... ooops, unusual talking frog lived for many years at the edge of the pond and thought a lot about his life before and about the princess. You see, she hadn't always been a princess. In fact he had gone to school with her when they where young and he had fallen for her when he saw her again. But he knew there wasn't a chance as she had married a handsome prince many years before... and lived happily for a few years before he grew bored and went in search of a new princess. Whenever he thought of her and his life before he would sigh/croak.

One day, as he sat thinking and sighing/croaking, he heard his princess crying nearby. He hopped over to her and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

She jumped, forgetting about the "other" frog that lived by the pond. "Oh," She said, "It is you. Well, if you must know, my frog prince left me for some Mermaid slut who happened to wash up on shore. I found Prince Charming, last year, and thought I had finally found my happily ever after. But he went out in the woods the other day and came back with some lady he found asleep in a glass casket. So now I am all alone again and all the good princes are taken."

"I'm sorry to hear that." The frog replied - and he really meant it. "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"I'm sorry too, but you where just an ordinary average guy, not a prince, so I don't see what you could do."

"I can be loyal." Said the frog.

"But the jewels, the balls, the fancy dresses..."

"I may not be able to give you the finest jewels, but you can have my heart, I may not throw glamorous balls, but we can celebrate life with close friends and family and though I may not be able to buy you the newest fashion, I will be sure you have the best I can give you and you will want for nothing you need in life."

The Princess thought hard about it and leaned over and kissed the unusual talking frog who immediately transformed back into the ordinary average guy. They moved back to the village and lived (Truly) Happily Ever After.

Not all princes born have the soul of a prince. Sometimes, a knight in shining armor is just an ordinary average guy who has the heart of a prince in the body of a pauper.


I did make one slight but, to me, glaring error in the story (a missing word). This story was written without forethought (even the ending) with the first line being the only line I thought of before I started writing. I even went so far as avoiding writing any ending I was thinking if while I waited for responses.

I appreciate everyone's comments. One day I may re-write this with a bit more detail and with more attention to the different comments left.

I hope you like the ending...

Fairy Tale (without an ending)

I feel like I need to post something, but just don't have anything that is jumping out at right now. SO, I think I'll try my hand at telling a fairytale.

Once upon a time (you know all fairy tales happened once upon a time - no specific time though), in a land far, far away (again they never seem to be local) there lived an ordinary average guy (don't worry there will be a princess and a prince charming or two). Now this ordinary average worked hard, paid his bills and obeyed the laws like so many other ordinary average guys in the land but things never seemed to work out for him. You see Karma seemed to get things backwards for him. When he did something good Karma punished him, if he did something bad, well Karma punished him for that too. I guess Karma wasn't getting things backwards. Karma just didn't like him.

One day, after our ordinary average guy helped an old lady up from a fall, Karma decided it was time to cut through all the red tape and turned him into a frog. The only thing our ordinary average guy could say about it all was that he was no longer an ordinary average guy; he was an unusual talking frog. But now he couldn't work or pay his bills. Thank goodness the sheriff didn't feel like arresting a frog.

One fine day, a beautiful princess wandered by and saw the frog sitting at the edge of the pond and asked him, "Are you a prince, turned into a frog by a wicked witch?" Apparently this was a common practice a long time ago, in a land far far away.

He replied, "No, your Highness. I am just an ordinary average guy turned into an unusual talking frog."

"To bad." She said. "I would have kissed you and changed you back and we could live happily ever after."

"Oh, please!" The Frog cried. "If you kiss me and change me back I will serve you forever and do anything you ask."

She shook her head and said, "No, I am looking for a prince." And with that she walked to the other end of the pond where a real prince turned frog lived. She kissed him and went off to live happily ever after.

Now our poor, ordinary... ooops, unusual talking frog lived for many years at the edge of the pond and thought a lot about his life before and about the princess. You see, she hadn't always been a princess. In fact he had gone to school with her when they where young and he had fallen for her when he saw her again. But he knew there wasn't a chance as she had married a handsome prince many years before... and lived happily for a few years before he grew bored and went in search of a new princess. Whenever he thought of her and his life before he would sigh/croak.

One day, as he sat thinking and sighing/croaking, he heard his princess crying nearby. He hopped over to her and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

She jumped, forgetting about the "other" frog that lived by the pond. "Oh," She said, "It is you. Well, if you must know, my frog prince left me for some Mermaid slut who happened to wash up on shore. I found Prince Charming, last year, and thought I had finally found my happily ever after. But he went out in the woods the other day and came back with some lady he found asleep in a glass casket. So now I am all alone again and all the good princes are taken."

"I'm sorry to hear that." The frog replied - and he really meant it. "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"I'm sorry too, but you where just an ordinary average guy, not a prince, so I don't see what you could do."


****I have been thinking of endings here and want your opinion: Do we go for the traditional/semi-traditional happy ending or do we want our fairy tale to be a little realistic???
Tell me what you think and I will finish it.

Rescue Me!

A little rant:

There are some people out there who just should not be allowed in public. You know them, the ones who interject themselves into any and all conversation around them - public or private - the ones who stand too close to you when you didn't invite them near you to begin with, the ones whose, getting back to the conversation remark, interjections have nothing or next to nothing to do with the conversation they have chosen to invade and, on top of all this, the ones who give you the heebie-jeebies with their presence alone.

There is currently one such person hanging out now at the coffee shop near my apartment and he has parked himself on my last nerve. I can't bring myself to say anything to him - I guess I really am too nice - but my friends are getting great pleasure watching my reaction when he butts into a conversation or gets too close. I can't even bring myself to look in his direction for fear it might encourage him to suck more of my soul out. I might excuse, even pity, some of his obvious social short-comings if he could recognize the reactions and non-verbal signs of those around him but he just barrels on, and on, and on, and on....

Did I mention, he really creeps me out!?!

I Never Heard That One Before

I've been trying to find a cute humorous way of posting a couple of comments I got this weekend. I give up. I will just lay out the situations and let the words fly where they will...

So, Friday night after going to a haunted house with some friends, I decided to head out to a local dance club. After walking around for a bit I noticed this woman kept looking at me. Now there isn't anything wrong with that - kinda flattering to tell you the truth. But, when I walked up to talk to her, she actually asked me "What's a guy like you doing here?" WHAT? It's a bar on Friday night that plays decent music. Well, after I tried to explain why she wasn't convinced. She really didn't get the music part. She, apparently, is a die hard country music fan and was in a dance club - I should have asked what she was doing there. Anyway, I tried to convince her they would play about anything and to prove it I requested the DJ play a country song (I asked for George Jones, but he didn't have any). As requested, a slow country song played and this girl brightened up. Her friends went to dance. And I approached and asked if she wanted to dance... now, I have rambled on to get to what she said here. She said, "No thank you, you're too nice a guy for me." OK?!?

Now we move on to Saturday night. As I was putting on my shoes to head out to a local Martini bar, one of my ex-girlfriends called to see what I was up to. I told her where I was heading and apparently she and some friends where heading that way to. I met up with them at O'Charley's while they finished dinner and we went to the bar as a group. Now I may do a post later on the weirdness of Saturday night itself but for now I will flash forward to a conversation some hours later between me and the ex. Let me say first that I know things would never have worked out between us. The more I have dealt with her over the past couple of years since the break up the more I have realized I must have been suffering from temporary insanity when I started dating her. Good friend but not compatible in the least. Her take on it was a bit more interesting given the previous nights events though. She told me it never would have worked out because "You are too nice a guy." No kidding - her exact words.

There are so many snippets of things I could say but they just won't form into complete thoughts. Those words keep repeating in my head "You are too nice a guy" and all I can do is smirk and chuckle and wonder...

A look back to the beginning...

I have been re-reading comments and posts recently had have been appalled at some of my screw ups. So I ask that anyone who is new to my blog please read my first post and note that I am not editing myself, unless, I catch it while I am typing. I am writing and moving on to the next hatchet job.

Thank you for your patience and support.

Ya'll come now, ya'hear!

This is Inga from Sweeden

It is funny that I found myself checking my Facebook on my phone while out at a club on Friday night. Kinda sad actually, when you think about it. But checking my Facebook led to an interesting night.

An old friend from college had posted a status update bemoaning her male friends who couldn't be satisfied with just being friends and wanting to know why. My reply was for her to call me. I posted my reply and sat back with my drink, watched the "dancers" and listened to the music just like any other Friday night.

About 1:30am my phone rang from a long distance number. I didn't really look at the number before I answered and headed out the door to be able to hear... "This is Inga, from Sweden." That began an odd exchange about guys and friends and how do I know you and... well a bunch of "ands."

Then it hit me - well then it sunk into my slightly buzzed head. "Bean, is that you?" My friend, who lives in San Fransisco now, had taken me up on my post and called. I haven't heard from Bean in 16 or 17 years and so began the catching up. We talked about everything from her ex-husband to old rommies. When I noticed everyone leaving the bar I asked to call her back, so I could go close my tab.

We talked till I went to bed about 5am. She told me I need to move to San Fran or at least visit. I will visit as soon as I can. But it was good to hear her voice again after all these years... I think though I will have to start calling her Inga though - I think it would be funny calling a girl from India, living in San Fransisco, a name from Sweden.

It was bound to happen...

I had a good track record until last night/this morning...

Last year for my 39th birthday, my girlfriend - now Ex :( - gave me the best present. I'm not referring to the birthday itself or any activities but the present she gave me almost a month late. She gave me a Mr Coffee with delayed brewing. I know that doesn't sound too exciting but I consider it one of the best presents I have ever gotten for my birthday. Till then I was brewing coffee using an old tin camp coffee pot that required me to heat the water separately then pour in to brew.

The delay brew has been a life/time savor for me. I set it before I go to bed and have fresh hot coffee when I get up. In my recent bouts with insomnia this has been very handy as I haven't been getting up in time to stop and brew coffee when I finally get out of bed... now it is just there for me waiting.

Last night I set the delay and went to bed as usual (earlier than normally actually). I slept well, YEAH!!!! I got up, went to the kitchen and there on the floor was a pool of coffee. Actually it took me a minute to realize it was coffee. After looking at it, the dishwasher, the sink and then the coffee maker itself I realized what happened. I had forgotten to empty and wash out the coffee decanter last night when I set the coffee maker up. Apparently the system doesn't recognize when the decanter is full and the fresh brewed coffee escaped to the counter and then the floor since it had no where else to go. So, this morning was spent cleaning the kitchen counter and floor before breakfast. It could have been worse - the coffee could have run off the other side of the counter onto the carpet!

I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Blog Hopping

I think I am endanger of trying to follow too many blogs at once, if that is possible. Every blog I go to seems to lead me to another and then another... while I don't click to follow everyone I seem to add one or two new blogs to follow each day.

I hope I don't get to the point that I have more to read than time to write...

A Public Service Announcement

Imagine you are standing side by side with your brothers, sisters, cousins and friends watching as a large machine rolls over your family chewing them up and spitting them out the back as you scream for mercy... only to realize no one can hear you, no one understands.

Sounds horrible but it happens every day as farmers across the country harvest fields of grain, corn and other defenseless edible plants. These plants have done nothing to us and yet we thoughtlessly slaughter them.

Who will speak for these living plants... P.E.T.E.P. People for the Ethical Treatment of Edible Plants.

***Note: I wish I could take credit for this "Group" but it is the brainchild of a wonderful blogger, Hillbilly Duhn. Here is the story: P.E.T.E.P. (on a more serious note)

Focus

I have been reading the blogs I follow and some new ones over the past few days, but not posting anything myself. The reason is focus. I have been suffering from insomnia for a little over a month now and have had difficulty focusing my thoughts. When I find a topic I want to share, and try a to develop it in my head, I find it going off in unusual and undesired directions. In the end I scrap the idea or file it away in that part of my mind that will forget it is there till some external sight, sound, smell or experience pulls it back front and center.

One thing I am trying to avoid is brooding over my social life. But my mind almost always wanders back to it no matter what subject I want to start. I will get around this either with some sleep, which I know will come eventually, or with a topic that overpowers my self-absorbed need to gripe and moan about my single man's mid-life crises (actually, I am trying to come up with a thought provoking and hopefully humorous blog about that...)

So, for now, I must leave you with this - Thank you for reading my posts and for your comments. I hope to have better material for you soon!