Thursday, August 27, 2009

Will being me ever be enough?

Will being me ever be enough? Sounds like a dumb question. But is it?

NOTE: this is going to be a bit of a down blog post!

It's been almost a year since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, saying it wasn't me but her. And yet I'm the one who feels like a loser. I'm the one who feels like I didn't do enough and really have no idea what to do.

I have never had anyone break up with me because I did something wrong, I just haven't ever been enough. And apparently I am so much not enough that no one has been willing to give me a second chance. To be honest most women haven't been willing to give me a first chance. On that I can't complain too much because I am very picky and haven't really considered dating someone just to have someone to go out with. If I am not interested in someone then I'm not going on a date with them. At least that is how I have been. Maybe I should change that but I think that I am getting too old to change my ways.

The only reason I bring this up is that my ex (who I must admit, I am still in love with) can still set my mood for the day without realizing it. Today it was a MySpace status that quoted Einstein: "The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive." There was a bit more that she added about the guy she is dating now but this quote made me think. What is a guy to do when he doesn't have a lot to give other than himself? I am not rich, I don't own a lot and with my limited dating experience (even at 40 years old) I don't really know what to do or how to do it when it comes to a woman's wants and needs. It isn't that I don't want to do things and give things and be there, it is that I either don't have it to give or don't know to read the signs of what I should do. With my ex I want(ed) to give her the world. I would die for her. I gave her my heart. But that apparently isn't enough.

I know that people say there are plenty of fish in the sea but I feel like I am fishing with the wrong bait. Apparently I am not the right bait.

So I ask: Will being me ever be enough?


  1. This is so easy (for me...maybe not for you). It's your vibe. You don't love yourself and even if you NEVER tell a woman that, she'll feel it. Until you love and accept you just exactly as you are right woman will be able to do it either. You are wanting to find a woman who can see in you what you can't. You can't show it to her, you are waiting for her to find it. You don't believe it so you're expecting her to convince you. You are not happy without her, so she's going to have to take on the responsibility of making you happy (that's a LOT to ask of someone).

    When a person does not love who they are. When they don't believe they are enough. When they don't want anything except the past back. Well...that's what they get...a life in the past.

    You cannot draw a person to you until you are drawn to yourself. It's not because you are a "nice guy" it's because you are a nice guy who doesn't believe nice guys are enough.

    Much Love,

    PS: Thanks for the follow. I generally write to women, but...I think I have a lot to share that you will enjoy as well...

  2. A gentle word to the wise: broaden your horizons, and look forward, not backward.

  3. Yes, move forward and love yourself. You seem to be a great guy. You'll find the right match someday.

    Cheers! :)