I'm getting too old for this sh....

In the past month or so, I have managed to pull a couple of all-nighters. Not such a big deal when I was younger, but I'm not really able to do this crap much these days. The funny part about them was the similarities.

Night one: A friend from high school was coming in town for Thanksgiving so a group of us decided to get together at a bar downtown called Veet's. We had a great time catching up and telling old war stories from high school - well, I listened to old war stories, I was a good kid who never did anything (meaning: My mother taught at my high school and so I couldn't get away with anything if I wanted to). We talked, we drank , we sang... ok so we didn't sing but we did talk and drink, until those in our group with children decided it was time to depart. By this time I had gotten a message from the wife of another high school friend that she and some others where on their way to Chantilly's, another club not downtown. So, those who didn't go home went to the next bar. We got there, I danced my friends laughed, I didn't see them laugh but I'm sure they did, then they left. And I finished the night with three woman, one married to a friend from school, one dating a friend from school (not the same friend) and one just a friend of the group. We drank some more, I was the designated "husband" or "boyfriend" as needed to scare off the annoying predators trying to hook up with my friends till we ventured out to Denny's for breakfast. We had a great time talking and joking over breakfast food and coffee with the exception of my friends wife (by the way I should note here that she has become one of my very best friends) brought up my ex girlfriend... somewhat the buzz kill. Then home to crawl into bed at about 5AM.

*WHEW*

Night two: This past weekend we decided to have another get together at Veet's with more friends coming home for the holidays. We had a great time exchanging old war... ok I won't go into that part again. We drank, we talked - still no singing. Till we pretty much closed the bar down. At which point, I moved on to Chantilly's having gotten a message from a couple of friends that they where on the way there. Not the same group of friends this time. I went alone this time as everyone else was acting their age, and met up with two girls and one guy I went to school with. Funny note here - the guy was the missing boyfriend (now ex) from the previous all-nighter. I WAS going to be good but they forced me to drink more and by that I mean they handed me the drinks... didn't take much to twist my arm. We drank and talked and laughed. I did not dance this time. Then we headed out to Waffle House and ended up at Denny's, in the same booth I had been in about a month before. We had a great time joking, laughing and talking over various breakfast foods and coffee until... wait for it... one of the girls brought up my ex girlfriend. This time though we had the additional buzz kill of dealing my buddy's ex girlfriend and while neither night really went down hill on these topics they where not the best way to end a night. We finished eating and headed out into the morning. Again I was in bed around 5AM.


I AM GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SH... but it is way too much fun to not let it happen again.

This is Inga from Sweeden

It is funny that I found myself checking my Facebook on my phone while out at a club on Friday night. Kinda sad actually, when you think about it. But checking my Facebook led to an interesting night.

An old friend from college had posted a status update bemoaning her male friends who couldn't be satisfied with just being friends and wanting to know why. My reply was for her to call me. I posted my reply and sat back with my drink, watched the "dancers" and listened to the music just like any other Friday night.

About 1:30am my phone rang from a long distance number. I didn't really look at the number before I answered and headed out the door to be able to hear... "This is Inga, from Sweden." That began an odd exchange about guys and friends and how do I know you and... well a bunch of "ands."

Then it hit me - well then it sunk into my slightly buzzed head. "Bean, is that you?" My friend, who lives in San Fransisco now, had taken me up on my post and called. I haven't heard from Bean in 16 or 17 years and so began the catching up. We talked about everything from her ex-husband to old rommies. When I noticed everyone leaving the bar I asked to call her back, so I could go close my tab.

We talked till I went to bed about 5am. She told me I need to move to San Fran or at least visit. I will visit as soon as I can. But it was good to hear her voice again after all these years... I think though I will have to start calling her Inga though - I think it would be funny calling a girl from India, living in San Fransisco, a name from Sweden.

Internal Debates

I don't know if it is just me or if there are others out there who do this. I find myself forming arguments and working out exactly what I want to say to someone before I talk to them to be sure I have it down word for word. Then I turn around and rationalize exactly why I shouldn't say what I really want to. Often it is because I am more concerned with their feelings than my own, sometimes I just don't feel it is fair to them for me to pressure them but for the most part I am afraid of losing a friend because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.

It really is odd at times to find myself holding these conversations in my head (often one sided conversations). It gets even more odd when I start talking out loud to myself. I wish at times I could say what I want to the people in question but I over think their feelings, responses and/or reactions and I just keep my mouth shut. Life has taught me that when I say what's on my mind it just drives people away and I don't want that to happen anymore.

Life isn't like the movies where the hero can say what he feels and win out in the end. The best example of this, to me, is from When Harry met Sally. Harry rushes to a New Years Eve party and opens his heart to Sally:

Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Sally: See Harry you say these things and it makes it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you Harry....I really do.

Sally's response may lead you to think his confession was a failure but it wasn't. In the end he gets the girl. But then again life isn't a movie and the good guy doesn't always win. So, for me, I think it is best that I keep quiet and hope that, if I am thinking it, others are thinking it and things will work out.

Now to be honest I do this for any relationship, friend, lover or other. I have in my mind questioned things and almost never said them aloud. If I do end up saying things it tends to be blunt straightforward statements that do not go into the details that are running through my head. I even hold debates about myself and how I am acting or reacting to situations.

So I pose a question to you all: Am I the only one who does this?